Im so bummed. I was all sorts of psyched to go see Megan graduate...then come to find out we dont really have the money for it. Well I dont. I was hoping on my check being a little more than what it was...but it wasnt. So yeah. Im screwed. I could  ask my mom...but I dont want to...cuz the biz aint treating her good right now. Im gonna feel so bad. Cuz I told her I would be there. But yeah. No gooda.

Things are pretty ok otherwise. John came by and we went and had lunch together today. Then he was off to decator. But yeah. Oh well. Its money. I hate his job though. They treat him like shit. They make him work absurd hours...and yeah...that results in me not getting to see him as much as I would like. But I will say that I have gotten to see him a lot more than I did. Which is nice. REALLY nice. Cuz I miss my boo.

Today it was real funny....I went and took 2 of the girls from my youth group up to the mall and such. And we went to Spirit...and they had like this demon/satan looking thing sitting by a table...and I walked by it...and it fell over...I said "SWEET I KILLED SATAN!" lol. The girls started cracking up. It was pretty funny. And then some guy with a bunch of tattoos and piercings came up and said "how you gonna kill satan? that aint cool." I laughed ha ha. And then walked away sayin sorry about that lord of darkness...blah. lol.

I wanna carve a pumpkin. Actually. I wanna carve a few. And put peoples faces on it that I dont like or make me angry...and smash them. Pretty gruesome huh?? lol. Im jk-ing. But yeah. Halloween is gonna be sweet this year!! I cant wait!!! My costume is effin hott! And I wanna go to a haunted house. A couple actually. But yeah. Anyways. Im outtie wrestling is on and my mom is gonna be home soon and wanting the computer. Much love! Peace!!

<3Kim

Tiny update...

So Im not talking to George anymore. I decided that he is my past. And I need to leave it at that if I want to go forth with John. Cuz all I see talking to George doing in the future...is causing problems. I have taken steps forward...and I cant risk losing friends or family or my boyfriend by taking steps back. Im not gonna lie....it was a tough decision to make. George and I had a past. We know each other better than anyone else. But it didnt work out. And Im not gonna sit here and think "what if?" anymore...becuz "what if?" doesnt matter. The only thing that matters is whats going on right now. When I lost George...I didnt only lose the guy that I thought I was gonna marry...but I lost my best friend. And it was really hard letting go again. But I did it. In a way Im proud of myself because I have never been able to turn away from George myself. He always turned away from me.

But yeah. My life right now is just a little crazy. I need to get shit done. I am really bad at starting like 50 projects at one time....and then never finishing them. That is my biggest problem. All I really wanna be concerned with right now is my relationship (which is going really good...might I add), my job, and my youth group. And of course other things like spending time with friends and family. But yeah. I just need a vacation. Cuz I have a lot more than just those things going on right now. So yeah. But anyways. Im outtie for now. Much love! Peace!!

<3Kim

things are looking up...:-)

Things have started looking up in the last few days. The past four days Ive been around John. Either working on the cars or just hanging out. Its been nice. I missed him. Its not his fault though that he doesnt have a lot of time on his hands. Today he took off work...and he has been at my house from like 5 AM til just a little bit ago. He met my dad today. lol. That was interesting. lol. As far as I can remember...he is the first guy to meet my dad. At least the first one Ive dated. So yeah. My dad said that he needed to treat me right or else he was gonna whip him. lol. Yeah right. But John said he would. And I believe him.

Yesterday me and him had a talk...because I recently started talking to someone he doesnt get along with very well. And I told him that if it did bug him that I wouldnt talk to him. And he said that it is awkward...but he trusts me. That is refreshing. I also told him that me talking to this other person isnt worth losing him over. So yeah. Im not trying to be bogus by saying that either. I know that it seems that way...but it isnt meant that way. Cuz I went through a lot of hurt caused by this other person, and I finally got over him, and Im with an amazing guy regardless of how much I get to see him, and there is no sense backtracking, even though its just a friendship. After the talk that me and John had yesterday though. I really honestly think I am gonna be okay with the whole not getting to see him a lot. Cuz I mean, I know its not his fault. And when we do spend time together, he makes me feel special. Like yesterday, he knew I was kinda upset because of some shit, and I told him I wasnt going anywhere unless he wanted me to, and he said I do....closer to me...and then he just sat there and hugged me for a few minutes. I really do love him. And here I was thinking I couldn't/wouldn't let myself fall for another guy again...for fear of getting hurt again. lol. Yeah Im not gonna lie, it does hurt sometimes when he says he's coming over and then something comes up, but he doesnt do it on purpose, and I know that.

Anyways....HALLOWEEN IS IN A MONTH!!!!!! I cant freaking wait!!!!!! I love Halloween!!!!! I dunno what Im gonna be yet. I was thinking about being this sexy witch. I saw a costume at Spirit....its sexy....but not slutty. And I love witches. lol. Me and Alex are gonna get like kinda matching costumes, and John is gonna be either wolf man or freddy kruger....with the latex face....NOT COOL!!!!!!!!! He knows I hate them. Its ok. I might just have to buy a clown mask and scare the shit out of him. tee hee hee. lol. Anywho. Im outtie. He just got back. Much love! Peace!!

<3Kim

Currently Listening When You're Gone, Pt. 2 By Avril Lavigne see related

How?

Im starting to find myself in a difficult predicament again. I dont know what to do anymore. I feel single. But Im technically not. I keep hearing all these promises, "we'll hang out soon." "Ill be over tomorrow." "How about next week...just me and you." and none of them are ever kept. How can I be with someone who doesnt have time for me? I dont feel like him and I are even together anymore. It sucks. Maybe if I break up with him it wont hurt as bad though. Yeah right. He's special to me. I love him to pieces. But I dunno if the love I have for him is strong enough to act as if we were in a long distance relationship. I havent gotten a kiss from him in I dont know how long. I havent gotten a hug from him either. He lives 5 minutes away...but I feel like he lives across the country. I dont know what to do. I really dont. I dont know if I wanna continue on with this relationship...that Im not really happy in anymore. I know I could be. But its hard being happy when the person ur with u never see. I guess seeing George all the time spoiled me. Cuz now the only time I get to see John is when I drop lunch off to him....sometimes. But now the regular thing is me putting it in his truck. And that is it.

Truth is, I am tired of his broken promises, and never having time for me. I know work makes that tough. But if he really wants me to be a part of his life, wouldnt he make time for me? Even if it was just like 15 minutes?? I dunno maybe Im wrong. All I can really do is hope and pray he'll come over soon. But who knows if that will happen?

Anyways, Im outtie. I gots shit to do. Much love! Peace!!

<3Kim

eeeeep!